


Pray Away The Gay™

by insomniabelike



Series: Fluff/Angst Oneshots [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Religious Discussion, Religious Guilt, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:20:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27998898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniabelike/pseuds/insomniabelike
Summary: What if, since Thomas was raised religiously and maybe to believe being gay was wrong, what if Remus- being the embodiment of bad things and bad thoughts- was the first to know? So that's where this begins.
Series: Fluff/Angst Oneshots [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969759
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Pray Away The Gay™

**Author's Note:**

> Hoooo, okay. So TW For Religious Commentary, Internalized Homophobia, S/H, and Considering Sewer Slide  
> I wrote sewer slide so as to not trigger myself further, I am not making fun or making a joke out of it either.

Thomas was an overall happy kid. He had a lot of friends, a happy family, he was happy. So were his sides, for the most part. Virgil liked to scare people, Janus was just accepting his snake aspects, Roman and Remus hated each other, but that was okay, Logan liked to research a ton of interesting things, Patton was getting better at baking, and any other sides were yet to appear. It was calm. 

It all started when Thomas started having more... than friendly feelings towards a friend of his. The other sides didn't know, Patton being happy that Thomas had 'A Really Good Friend', Virgil, Roman, and Janus not knowing yet, and Logan not bothered with it, never having cared about Thomas' friends. 

Remus knew something else though. Thomas was- No, he couldn't even let himself form that thought. He wasn't. He couldn't be. He was perfect and was going to grow up and marry a nice girl and they would have a family and not ever let any weird feelings get in the way of that. No matter how much- No. No, no, no. 

He was the one who'd done this, he was sure of it. He was terrible, he was harming Thomas, he was the one who was making him have these feelings. If he figured out how to stop it, then... maybe Thomas could be happy. He could keep his happy life with his happy family.

He knew that Thomas' family wouldn't like the feelings he was having. It was against god, after all. And they were told that obeying his wishes and what he said was the most important thing. He needed to stop the feelings. How could he do that?

_'Ah hah!'_ He thought _'Every time I feel a feeling like that, I could cut my arm. I don't like the pain, so it'll be a perfect solution!'_

He was pleased with himself. A perfect solution. Thomas is going to be happy still. He smiled to himself. Everything was going to be okay.

And so he used his 'solution' over and over.

And that was how he currently got in this situation. He was sitting on the floor of his bathroom, slicing at his arms. "Why isn't it working?!" He cried out loudly. He started to sob. He sliced more, making deeper and bigger cuts. 

He bandaged up his arms after it still wasn't working. He went to his window, looking out over the imagination, and did something he'd never done before. He started to pray. 

"God? I don't know if you're listening. I'm sure you have a lot more important things to deal with than my problems. But I have a confession. I- I'm feeling... homosexual tendencies. I want them gone, I know it's a sin. I know you don't approve. But I don't know how to fix myself, and I think I'm affecting my host as well. I want him to be happy and I don't want... I don't want him to go to hell. Send me, not him. I'm doing this. Please fix me? Please..." He had tears streaming down his face at this point. "Amen." He added. 

He curled up on the floor, not thinking he deserved the comfort of sleeping in a bed. He continued to cry. 

This went on for a while, the inflicting pain, the praying every night, hoping it would go away. None of the other sides knew yet. He just wanted Thomas to be happy, but he couldn't like this. 

_'Maybe if we get rid of the source, then it'll go away...'_ He looked over at the window. He walked to it and looked down. It looked out over the imagination. If he jumped far enough, maybe he could reach it to The Forgotten, which was the space between his and Roman's sides of the Imagination. It was where forgotten sides and memories went. It's where Paranoia had gone. Maybe if he went, Thomas wouldn't be feeling those things. 

_'Fuck it, I'll just go and jump in, no risking missing it.'_

Just as he was about to sink out to the imagination, all the sides were getting summoned. He, Virgil, Janus would always just stay back in the shadows, as they weren't yet recognized as parts of Thomas. 

"Hey guys..." Thomas said to the sides. "I have... a bit of an announcement. I dunno if you guys knew, but I- I think I'm gay."

"Oh... Well we still love you, kiddo, and I think I might be as well... I'm sure your parents won't care either."

"Yes, it's perfectly natural to feel these things. Humans have observed homosexuality in many animal species as well." Logan chimed in. 

"Does this mean I get a prince charming?" Roman asked excitedly. 

Was it really not a bad thing...?

"Okay, thanks guys." The boy said excitedly. He ran off. 

"It's not a bad thing?" Remus asked the others

Janus shook his head. "You know, I don't think so." Janus said. 

"Well shit, what did I do then..." He laughed humorlessly.

"What did you do?" Virgil asked

He rolled up his sleeves and showed the bloodied bandages. "Been doing this for a bit. Every time I did or felt like doing something... gay." He said

_'_ "Remus _..."_ Janus said in a light voice, it sounded concerned.

Virgil kissed Remus' bandages, a tradition they did since they were very small, claiming, _'The kisses make them heal faster'_

"No more doing that." Virgil said.

"I won't" He swore. And he didn't, the memories of what he was about to do before that moment long forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp-


End file.
